everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
