at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
