bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
