I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Found the puke drawer
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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