It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
