the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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