I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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