ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
