I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
