i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
