Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
