She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
