Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
