More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
