Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The air was thick with penises
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
