My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
