Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
