is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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