Screwed.edu
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
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