I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
