Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
