I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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