Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
