The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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