I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
