My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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