remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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