There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
