Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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