When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
