I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I need a beard to bite.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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