he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She's the barista slut.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
