i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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