I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
