I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
