New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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