I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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