so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
God I need to hump something, right now.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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