we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
