my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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