i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
