I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
