I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
