Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
