Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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