my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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