Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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