the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
