so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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