I wish i was in the wii world.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
