We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
