you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
