so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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