she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
