He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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